it’s pretty cool what happens when i open my heart/voice/mind to someone who has faced the shit i’m facing, who is as sensitive as i, who has time for me, and the love and bravery to say what’s true for her.
here’s to you, ivan marko.
in conversing with ivan, she hit this beautiful chord of words: everyone cares, really, deep down.
i’d lost sight of that.
because “everyone” also misunderstands, jumps to conclusions, is scared to ask hard questions, worries what people think of them, doesn’t want to be taken for a ride, errs on the side of caution, prefers to play it safe, judges before the evidence is all in, forgets to give credit where credit is due, fails to notice the truth, takes the easy way out, pretends to be strong when they are sad, blames multiple someone elses for their unhappiness, is waiting for the world to change, forgets how to feel hard feelings and think hard thoughts, is a sucker for love, wants to protect their image, worries that being generous wont pay, is embarrassed when they fuck up, gets jealous of others sometimes, forgets to tell others they care, uses careless language that leaves room for misunderstanding, assumes the worst of others, defers to others opinions, worries about rejection, thinks crying means you are weak, judges anger, is wary of power of any kind, has growing pains, and forgets who they really are…
and all this hurts. every time it happens. at least a tiny little bit.
and sometimes a whole paralyzing lot, especially if it’s another hurt piled on a pile of other hurts.
i have been hurt, and hurt and hurt some more.
and as a sensitive thing, i have been hurt when no one meant to hurt me, and then hurt again for hurting.
but everyone cares. even when they don’t look like they do. even when they don’t talk like they do. even when they don’t act like they do. and perhaps…even when they don’t think that they do. and even when they think they don’t want to.
no one means to hurt, really. when they do it, they think it is their only choice.
no one meant to hurt me.
too few people can accept that feeling hurt happens when you get hurt. it just does.
it happens, and when it does, it lasts until it stops. you can’t pretend it’s gone when it’s not. you can’t make it go away before it goes away. and when it’s gone, there is no need to pretend, not even an inclination. and only the one who was hurting can tell.
all of us who care, let’s spread this truth: healing happens when hurting has run it’s course. hurting when you have been hurt is ok. once it’s happened, it’s done. and…if we stick around (giving space, perhaps, but not too much)…it will pass. and…
…it will become obvious…
that everyone cares, really, deep down.