Lukewarm yeses lead to a need for burning nos. Burning yeses help make it so that our nos can be simple and kind….sweeeeet!
Most of us are brought up in a world where no and yes were used…as responses to our expressions of what we loved or did not love, wanted or did not want.
(Examples from my childhood:)
It’s bed time…noooo… YES.
Eat the rest of your dinner…noooo…YES.
I want to play outside!! NO, you need to clean your room.
I wanna be an actress!!! NO, that’s not a realistic career choice.
I LOVE THAT BOY!!! NO, you are too young to be thinking about boys.
I want to play with YOU! NO, we hate you.
No wonder yeses and nos built up so much charge.
Other times there was just…nothing. No input, not sounding board, no questions that helped us find out own answers. So then…? In my case, I stepped out cautiously and kept things safe.
How was it for you?
I’m going to hazard a guess that for most, if not all of us, pleasing became important, or avoiding displeasing (mom, dad, siblings, teachers, police etc)…so damping down our yeses and our nos became important.
(More examples from my life…and I know I’m a girl, but I hope you will relate:)
Write a poem. Um…ok…
Learn about China. Um…ok…
Clean the house and I will give you an allowance. Um…ok…
Want to be my boyfriend? Um…ok…
Want a beer? Um…ok….
Um…ok…until something BIG happened and suddenly….NOOOOOOO!
That ever happen to you? Yeah?
I think it has something to do with losing track of those burning YESes.
It was hardly ever, What do you WANT madly, deeply to learn about??
Where are you longing, DYING to go?
Which shirt do you love, Love, LOVE??
What food would you DROOL for right now?
Let alone hearing too seldom the response, “GO FOR IT!!” to our declarations of what we wanted… Let alone then hearing…“And here’s a few tips for you to set it up for the win…”
Many of us actually lost ACCESS to those burning yeses, those big knowings of FOR ME…they got lost in the MENU of life…”chose out of these available options: blah Blah BLAH.”
Yet in deep in each of us I think a dream of being true and real still burns (or you probably wouldn’t be here to read this, no?)…those ULTRA NOs that sometimes make their way out are the evidence. (Aka, “straws that break the camels’ back.”)
The cool thing is that the human brain has a knack for learning what IS wanted through experiences of what ISN’T wanted. That is as good a start as any, I think.
So, look! we have started
Let’s take the next step.
Dare to DREAM, my friends…why the fuck not, right?? Haven’t you waited long enough?
Let’s see a DREAMSTORM:
Tell me about the most epic day you can imagine.
Let me prompt you:
Where are you FUCKING STOKED to wake up?
What are the epic pleasures of your morning?
How about the food?
What epic outfit are you rocking?
What epic tasks are you putting your precious moments/kilojoules of energy in to?
What ‘s the epic fun in which you participate?
How is dinner the BEST EVER?
How do you bring this Day of All Days to a close?
Watch that play out in your mind…feel the hot juicy goodness of it…if there are any parts that prompt another part of your mind to go, “yeah, right….” Take a look and ask it, “why not?” If it has a reasonable answer, say “Yeah, ok” And look deeper into what the “unrelaism” is, an move it TOWARD realism. Maybe you wanted to wake up with Scarlett Johansson. Unless you know her and she becomes available for a relationship with you, that might indeed be an unlikely aspiration (not that it really WAS, right?…It was dreaming…now we are translating into a dream-come-true possibility)…but translate it without losing the YES power…REAL women RIGHT HERE are always better anyways, right? But what would she need to BE to really make it epic: Totally into you. Impressive to you with these qualities: <<LIST>> Now you know better, now you are clearer.
Maybe the “Yeah, right” was around a dream car or house. Break that down, too…what are the REAL qualities that make the YES burn? What are the real possibilities that open up?
Get the jist?
Flesh it out into juicy yeses until that whole Day of All Days becomes more possible…all day long.
Something you can commit to, without it being a drag, because it is NOT lukewarm.
See what you can CELEBRATE right now. Maybe you have an epic job that works perfectly for you, or the car, or even that one pair of jeans. Own and feel the juice of that.
And if you have SHIT right now…COOL…lots of room for POTENTIAL.
Find the first good bite to take…make a project outline, or call up a Bro who will hear you out about some changes you want to be held accountable to making. Maybe the fire is hottest around busting out into a new social circle, or trying that thing you’ve been meaning to try.
This life is YOURS Cowboy. I want you to HAVE it.
Find your burning YESes. Let out those burning NO’s you’ve been so polite about…maybe it starts with pruning some things out of your life.
Regroup. Dig in. Know you are WORTH IT. And that I am ROOTING FOR YOU.
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