Tag Archives: awareness

Emotional Mastery: what it IS and what it is NOT.

The word “mastery” is used in a variety of contexts and some of them do not fit with what I am forwarding as “mastery”, within the context of Emotional Mastery, but they do illuminate some of the most unhelpful misunderstandings about emotions rampant in our culture.

When “mastery” of any kind includes a lesser one, a servant, or has to do with control or manipulation for the one in power’s benefit, to the detriment of the one in less power…this is NOT the kind of Mastery of which I speak.

But often this is what IS done with emotions; they are used to gain power over others, to further agendas without regard for another/others…sometimes even without OWN self.

When emotions are corked, bypassed or denied, the self actively corking, bypassing or denying is the first to suffer (whether or not they are feeling it or aware at the time), and that suffering is passed on to those close; this is inevitable. Even when we exert effort because we wish NOT to pass on hurt, the effect is passed on in some way; as long as emotions are stuck, separation is perpetuated, and old patterns continue. States of low confidence, distance in relationship, dis-ease of all forms remains and worsens.

True Emotional Mastery, which I have been developing in my self, which I practice and share, is a new way of navigating with emotion, through awareness, responsibility, and the intention for none to become newly hurt. Stuck emotions from the past are opened to, cleared, allowed to have their time. Integration of what was separate occurs. Patterns thus change. This change is inevitable, once the emotions can move.

A beautiful analogy comes to mind: that of Martial Arts. A martial arts student may come to his (switch pronouns for female option) training with the intention of winning, having power over, without care about hurting others, seeing them as opponents…he may even come with a purpose to develop the power to hurt, dominate, kill.

But true Mastery in martial arts is about awareness, precision; the use of senses and skill to read the environment and move in time and space just so. The practitioner develops sensitivity, discernment,  strength and flexibility, and puts them to use with the intention of NO ONE becoming unduly hurt. As experience comes, it is used as material by which to gain wisdom, skill, perspective.

Mastery stemming from the self, for peace, harmony and progress which leave no one in a position of lesser power or value, but which promotes a world in which we all thrive, create and live according to our most vital terms, to a ripe ole age…is true Mastery.

This is what I mean when I talk about Emotional Mastery.

 

A Letter to My siStars…

My men, my brothers, sons and godfathers, I wanted you to know I wrote this to my siStars on your behalf.

I heard they were frustrated in looking for you, not finding you.  I heard judgement and resentment that made my heart ache.

I am so sorry they misunderstand so much about you.

I am so sorry they hold back and harden up.

 

I will be working with more of them soon.

 

For you.

 

 

Dear Awakened and Awakening siStars,

 

I want you to know…I work with awakened and awakening men.

I get to see them unarmoured.

The men I work with are working so hard to being and ever more becoming the conscious men conscious women need.

They are struggling. They are sorting through eons worth of tangled beliefs, pains, fears, confusion, false beliefs…the dysfunctional patterning entrenched within them and our world.

In their efforts they have failed and failed again to be more what they need to be and they can barely stand it.

But they get up over and over to try again.

They tell me, when I gain their trust, how desperately they need soft places to land, eyes that see them and allow for all they are, ears that will listen til their own voices find what’s been buried deep inside.

They need voices that speak only when there is quiet to convey faith, admiration, appreciation and encouragement.

Some of them have found this in pure spirit. Some have a siStar or Mother who provides this.

We need not give of ourselves in ways that do not work for us.

But please let us consider how we might shine for the men who are, by their own admission (when they are safe to admit it) not perfectly ready to be exactly what we need …yet.

They want so much to be…they struggle to *get* what it takes, to change what must change to make it all work.

Our mixed messages and cold distances confuse and perplex them.

As I work with them I see how far I still have to go.

I see how much more clear and compassionate I can become, how much is yet unresolved within my own self.

We are in this frustration together.

I just wanted you to know…the men are working on it.

For you.

Conversation With a Man About Subtle Man Bashing

 

“Domestic violence wasn’t seen as a serious crime until the 1970s. So, did we, in the last 40 years, address the beliefs that cause domestic violence? No. But now if you beat your wife you’re usually considered to be a bad guy. So what do you do, with all the beliefs that would lead you to violence, if violence is no longer an acceptable option? You use manipulation, and you use gaslighting.”

Hi Nicole, the above is a quote from that gaslighting article. The author uses the words “domestic violence” twice to start off which is neutral as domestic violence is not gender specific . But then she says “but now if you beat your wife” which gives off the impression to anyone reading that domestic violence never happens the other way around. In other words, seeing the world through a “men as perpetrator/ women as victims” lens.

It gives off the impression that most men in the past controlled their wives through violence and only after it was taken more seriously that they were forced to use other means like gaslighting. As if the average man believed that violence against their loved ones was an acceptable thing to do. It’s pretty clear to me she believes in patriarchy theory and has been influenced by feminism as they have been perpetuating these myths forever!

Thank you for allowing me to share. Again I want to say a big thank you for all the work you have been doing and the love and support you show to everyone including men! I’m sure you have noticed that it can be hard for men to stand up for themselves and speak out regarding women as they often end up being accused of misogyny. This is why it is nice to see a lot of women starting to speak up for men and boys who are struggling in this world because they can’t just be dismissed as “woman haters.”

 

I wrote back:

 

I so appreciate when people go under the layers of what looks obvious to find what else is there.

 

I am SO with you on “As if the average man believed that violence against their loved ones was an acceptable thing to do.” I agree that men, in general, want to treat their loved ones as the gold they know they are…and I think that when they don’t, their actions stem from a tangled, complex, multi-layered understory. I think that deep down, they are innocent…just like the women that get hit, the kids that cry, the other men that get hurt….We are all innocent. We are all blameless. And we are all responsible.

 

I think that pressure on men is underrated. They hold up so well. They keep on keeping on. As a “rule” they are “good” at taking care of their basic needs: they eat when they are hungry, sleep when they are tired…and this sometimes makes them look “selfish”. (Especially to women, who tend to take care of others first, and put off eating, sleeping, til they are famished or exhausted). Men focus on their work, and then get blamed for ignoring everything else. But they DO their work for “everyone else”…and do not get much thanks.

 

All the examples in that paragraph above are about our “lower” selves…our instincts and default ways of being.

 

They do not directly* serve the soul, they do not serve partnership, they do not serve Heaven on Earth. And they do not serve men.

 

But somehow our culture has got the idea that men are “better off”. I don’t agree. I don’t think ANYONE is better off. For every statistic…say, using your example…domestic abuse…yes, the numbers show that more men hit women. AND…more men commit suicide. Many women get cancer of the reproductive organs…and many men get heart disease and strokes.

 

The game of “who is worse off” is a compelling one, because there are SO MANY LOSERS everywhere…I mean so many tragic examples of people who got a shitty deal.

 

But I think it is men who most often “lose” the “who wins at losing” game…because: “privilege”. But no one talks as much about how men are disadvantaged.

 

And guess what, I don’t want to talk about it either…really…we could talk all day, arguing either side.

 

I want to see it change. And I want to help change it.

 

I want men to be and feel seen, heard, understood, cared about, helped, admired, thanked and celebrated.

 

I want to see everyone being regarded with respect and love…I just happen to be the kind of girl who especially want this for men. There are tons of other people out there who want it for women, animals, even aliens. And I say GO FOR IT!!

 

And I turn to men.

 

I want to know their stories, their traumas, their secrets. I want to know, so I can shine light and love in those dark corners and help them remember who they REALLY are. And I want to watch them energize, power up, get down to doing all the things they have a passion for…and find their own special something that only they have…and put it to work in the world. For everyone’s sake.

 

I think every man has the raw material to be a hero. I want to help him find, empower and LIVE that hero’s way. To epic proportions.

 

Why not, I think…WHY NOT.

 

 

*directly*…heh, this is interesting…I think our instincts, our lower selves indirectly serve the soul. We live according to these lower impulses…and they get us into situations where…we suffer! That suffering…eventually, when we have finally had enough…gives us the motivation to CHANGE. Thus, indirectly, our soul comes to be served… and partnership becomes possible…Heaven on Earth becomes possible.

 

Another footnote. You wrote, “This is why it is nice to see a lot of women starting to speak up for men and boys who are struggling in this world because they can’t just be dismissed as “woman haters.””

Sadly, women who stand up for men can and are accused of hating women. Of being gender over-emphasising, of being “behind the times”. So your support of MY support is precious to me, too. We are, I think, truly all in this together. I do all I can to love and understand and have compassion for haters. I would hate to be one.

 

 

arts and entertainment :: peoplecare

when i was 20 i was an award-winning stage actress, aspiring international model and a lithe young dancer.

but when it came down to it, i chose peoplecare, in the form of motherhood.

i made a brief, unremarkable return to the stage when i was a single-mother-of-two-little-boys-by-two-different-dads…as a “chorus” dancer.  when we went into the theatre for our first dress rehearsal i cried to be standing in the wings again.

the theatre has always called me.  loudly.

my body has always wanted to move, express.  i am not one for whom “dance like nobody’s watching” is inspiration…i have the performance gene, i prefer an audience.

my training in Mi Lee, an ancient form of movement meditation has been the perfect x-spot, the eye of the needle through which peoplecare and arts/entertainment merge into one practice.

when i was done that ‘sewing project’, evolutionary movement, a movement modality designed to bring radical self awareness, deep healing and to facilitate authentic self expression, was the result.

it has yet to be shared with the people for whom it is intended.

i am a sucker for performance.  no wonder costumes and The Regalia Project are such a joy for me…it’s all about making life your stage.

and yet here i am, feeling a kind of crossroads has come again, choose arts and entertainment OR peoplecare.

i choose both this time.

i can do both at once.

i think that’s what theatre’s highest form IS: peoplecare.

inspiring us to be all we can be.  the word THEATRE stems from enomological roots meaning “to behold”…but THEOS also means “god”.

if theatre, arts, entertainment can be about beholding god, inspiring us to embody the divine, and performing can be the opportunity to embody the divine for others to behold…it will also be peoplecare.

and if peoplecare principles can be infused into choreography, rehearsing, costuming, performance, audience care, marketing and the other aspects of arts and entertainment, it will help bring heaven to earth.

on with the show 😉

 

everyone cares

it’s pretty cool what happens when i open my heart/voice/mind to someone who has faced the shit i’m facing, who is as sensitive as i, who has time for me, and the love and bravery to say what’s true for her.

here’s to you, ivan marko.

in conversing with ivan, she hit this beautiful chord of words:  everyone cares, really, deep down.

 

i’d lost sight of that.

because “everyone” also misunderstands, jumps to conclusions, is scared to ask hard questions, worries what people think of them, doesn’t want to be taken for a ride, errs on the side of caution, prefers to play it safe, judges before the evidence is all in, forgets to give credit where credit is due, fails to notice the truth, takes the easy way out, pretends to be strong when they are sad, blames multiple someone elses for their unhappiness, is waiting for the world to change, forgets how to feel hard feelings and think hard thoughts, is a sucker for love, wants to protect their image, worries that being generous wont pay, is embarrassed when they fuck up, gets jealous of others sometimes, forgets to tell others they care, uses careless language that leaves room for misunderstanding, assumes the worst of others, defers to others opinions, worries about rejection, thinks crying means you are weak, judges anger, is wary of power of any kind, has growing pains, and forgets who they really are…

…sometimes.

 

and all this hurts.  every time it happens. at least a tiny little bit.

and sometimes a whole paralyzing lot, especially if it’s another hurt piled on a pile of other hurts.

 

i have been hurt, and hurt and hurt some more.

and as a sensitive thing, i have been hurt when no one meant to hurt me, and then hurt again for hurting.

 

but everyone cares.  even when they don’t look like they do.  even when they don’t talk like they do. even when they don’t act like they do. and perhaps…even when they don’t think that they do.  and even when they think they don’t want to.

no one means to hurt, really.  when they do it, they think it is their only choice.

 

 

no one meant to hurt me.

too few people can accept that feeling hurt happens when you get hurt.  it just does.

it happens, and when it does, it lasts until it stops.  you can’t pretend it’s gone when it’s not.  you can’t make it go away before it goes away.  and when it’s gone, there is no need to pretend, not even an inclination.  and only the one who was hurting can tell.

 

all of us who care, let’s spread this truth:  healing happens when hurting has run it’s course.  hurting when you have been hurt is ok.  once it’s happened, it’s done. and…if we stick around (giving space, perhaps, but not too much)…it will pass.  and…

…it will become obvious…

that everyone cares, really, deep down.

 

 

Rehearsing for the Apocalypse. Or, musings brought on by Calgary’s Flood.

What a time it’s been.

Did it start with the rain?  Or with the crying Earth?  Or with the crying hearts of the children of the Earth?

However it started, this time, it got very wet.  And muddy.  And scary.  And chaotic.  And challenging.

I felt it coming most through my schedule.  My “plans” didn’t seem real, somehow.  They seemed unlikely to happen.  And they didn’t.

What did happen was unreal in a different way.  And it has brought up so many questions, so much to be discerned, and experiences to learn from.

And by now, even some of the people who experienced serious destruction are grateful for the experience.

My kids and I often have campfires where we roast squash and corn, bannok and marshmallows.  We jokingly say we are rehearsing for the apocalypse.

The flood was a good rehearsal, too, I am thinking.

Rehearsals are all about acting “it” out, and tweaking things so “it” really works.

Sacred scripture and mythological stories suggest that Heaven on Earth cannot happen without an apocalypse.  The old, defunct structures must be cleared away, to reveal the pristine, eternal, sustainable truth underneath.

Some people take a literal perspective, others a more metaphorical one.

From where I stand, I see some of each.  In order for us to co-create Heaven on Earth, everything we are not, everything that isn’t serving the collective and individual highest good, must be cleansed away.

Some of this is energetic, some physical…beliefs, mental blocks, habits, systems, buildings, infrastructures, personal belongings, relationships….

And then we must create, build, and LIVE in a way that works.  The blueprints for this are, I believe, built into us, into nature…they are there when we look deep enough.

Some of what we build will be physical….especially in the phase of deterioration of the old way…collective living situations, permaculture gardens, natural material sourced buildings, communities and daily dances….

Because Heaven on Earth is physical…built on the sacred.

As above, so below.

What marks something as sacred?  An item, a relationship, an activity…that has deep meaning, that serves us on every level, that brings us unstoppable joy, love, peace.

No wonder the goodness of the disaster is being felt.  People are speaking of community, discovering which belongings are unessential (sounds like most of them are!)…it has helped reveal what is underneath…what matters…what is true and natural, what serves us.

Regardless of whether you see Calgary’s flood of 2013 as a rehearsal for the apocalypse, I would love to hear what you learned.

nicolebradford110@gmail.com

 

Manifesto: As of Today

I am here to assist in the radical co-creation of Earth, and to hereby radically expand consciousness.

 

I am compelled to do so by the tension that has affected me, and inspired to do so by the potential I fathom.

 

I know that change begins with my own transformation from

– hurt, by consciousness, to healing

– fear, by curiosity, to wonder

– poverty, by wisdom, to plenty

– separation, by partnership, to unity.

 

And that by this transformation I become ever more empowered to play my part in transforming the Earth from

– poisoning, by cleansing, to purity

– waste, by nurturing, to bounty

– barrenness, by the generous redistribution of resources, to fertility

– neglect, by the work of many willing hands, to Heaven on Earth.

 

I recognize that the physical and non-physical tools that make this possible are the most valuable resources I can gather:

– accurate information, from research-tested hypotheses through open minds building an accumulation of wisdom, taking into account reason, and intuition.

– effective methodology; habits and systems that work

– quality tools, designed and produced soundly to do the required work efficiently and effectively, taking into account all considerations.

 

I recognize that it takes practice and intuition to use these tools skillfully.

 

I recognize that the restoration of the Natural Order of life on Earth will require:

– an attitude of equanimity:  that ever part of the whole plays a unique part

– an attitude of possibility:  that the impossible can be broken down into possibilities

– an attitude of expectation:  that unfathomable good can come from good intentions

 

I understand that what is truly good and right for me, is, by our interconnected reality, good and right for all; I have only to open my conscious awareness to be able to see all circumstances.  What causes tension for one, also, by interconnection, causes tension for all.  What creates happiness for one, creates happiness for the whole.

 

I trust in my capacity for good, to create mutually beneficial working relationships, deals/contracts of mutual benefit that will produce a surplus of results, which I intend to share generously.

 

I commit to clearing toxicity, un-natural barriers, and dis-ease in physical and non-physical forms, according to appropriate order, as revealed in Nature.

 

I honour the Free Will of each living thing, understanding that thwarting this natural law creates a rippling of disharmonies, which can and must be remedied for greater potential to be realized.

 

It follows that I must, in order to be an effective agent for transformation, take full responsibility for my jurisdiction (awareness, thoughts, words, deeds, stewardship, connections, deals), and honour the jurisdictions of others as their own and act accordingly.

 

Understanding too, that as a part of the whole, the whole is my jurisdiction, by indirect effect.

 

I honour all forms of life, recognizing that all physical creation is founded in non-physical consciousness.

 

I recognize the sensation of resounding LOVE to be the indicator that I have found someone of my Tribe, with whom I am to create one of many work forces for this processes workable unfolding.

 

And I love nonetheless those with whom I do not feel such depth of connectivity, understanding that we are in this together, just not as closely.

Embodying the Divine

It is authentic of me to embody the feminine aspects of the divine, primarily.  This does not mean I do not embody masculine divinity…in fact, I am very aware of the call to embody masculine qualities more fully in my life and being.

 

What do I mean by this?

 

I began a more conscious exploration of the masculine/feminine dichotomy after experiencing awful imbalance and excruciating hurt in my relationship with the man whom I had vowed to love unconditionally and to help toward self realization.  It was not working between us.

 

Why?  I asked my self.  What was I believing/thinking/doing…to contribute to this unworkability?

 

I asked for the help I needed, and the Universe provided me access to the teaching of Allison Armstrong, through her organization, PAX.

 

Through these courses I gained a more clear understanding of the masculine as the energy behind providing, protecting and procreating; and the feminine as the receptive space for the masculine’s offerings.

 

I realize more fully now that my beauty, receptivity, sensitivity and my authentic, compassionate self expression are the primary ways of being which call forth the divine masculine in my life.

 

This clearly manifests in my relationships with men and boys.

I learned that I must hold my feminine space powerfully, and ABOVE ALL, I must trust and appreciate the men in my life as they embody masculine power…strong, focussed, logical, problem-solving energy which, if I am not aware, can feel scary to me.

I learned that as a woman, I embody feminine ways, and I have a natural tendency to assume that males think like I do…but I am very often wrong.  Since the masculine is about logical, problem solving…there are many ways in which men (and sometimes women who are in masculine mode)…SEEM to be doing and saying things that, if they were women, would be hurtful.

 

An example of this?

A huge issue with the man to whom I was avowed was how he helped me when I was upset.  As a problem solver, he wanted to get to the root of why I was upset, and fix it.  He asked questions and gave his perspective on what was wrong.

 

As a women, I heard and saw him in these cases as a “hairy man” (as Allison likes to say).  My perspective was that if I was listening to another woman who was upset, I would understand that she needed to be heard, to have her feelings and thoughts validated and repeated back to her so she could hear them better herself.  I understood that if I problem solved, it would sound to her as if I thought she was weak or stupid, and not capable of figuring things out for herself.

 

Since I understood this so clearly, and assumed he knew this too, I sincerely thought he was choosing to go against “his” understanding, and intentionally hurt me…he was not just a hairy man, but he was willingly “misbehaving”.

 

It hurt so much!  I would lash out and the issues I was upset about receded into the background and the arguments began about how he didn’t care and couldn’t possibly mean it when he said he loved me.  And there were many other examples.

 

But it was a simple misunderstanding, on both our parts.

 

If he had known, I trust he would have wanted to learn how to respond differently.  He was a good man.

 

A masculine man, wanting to help.

 

PAX gave me tools to communicate differently with men, to take into account their nature, to understand and allow for them to be masculine…to be MEN.

 

Learning this didn’t mean that my avowed and I stayed together.  We parted ways, and how I understand this is touched on in my piece about juxtaposition.

 

As this learning process unfolds, I am also discovering the masculine part of my self, the part that wants to protect and provide for my feminine essence, and co-create, with “her” for the mutual benefit of all.

 

I need this masculine side.  I need to think logically and to focus and problem solve, to come up with answers, to analyze and find new ways of working.  Without this support, my feminine side is mush, and ineffective.

 

Within myself and between me and the men in my life, the potential for creative partnership has become THE THING I am most excited about.

 

As I shine my light, my talents, my beauty, my divine feminine presence…it activates the masculine aspects of men and women, inspiring higher forms of problem solving, more beneficial and true forms of providing and more pure ways of creating.  As I value my femininity more deeply, I provide and protect myself more clearly.

 

When we, equipped with language and tools that cultivate partnership, dance the dance of embodied Divinity, we create Heaven on Earth.

 

I invite you to consider how you embody Divinity.  Does it feel more authentic when the masculine or the feminine is in the fore?  Do you have judgements as to the qualities of one or the other?  Where might there be room for deeper understanding?  How might you shift to allow for more full and co-operative partnership between your self and those who physically embody the other gender?  What hurt might you need to clear in order to do so?

 

Here is a link to Alison Armstrong/PAX.

 

Please email me at nicolebradford110@gmail.com if you feel you need to be provided with information or inspiration to help you on your upward spiralling path to unity.

 

 

 

Fear, overcome, brings you this inaugural post.

A new era dawns.

My online presence moves up an octave.

I am facing fears such as come with any new learning.  The web is a mysterious place to me, behind the scenes.

 

But how else do I expand my consciousness than by going into the mysterious unknown?

 

Tim Ferriss tells about some of his own experiences overcoming fear in this TED Talk.

 

Wow, if he can learn all those languages I can surely learn WordPress.

 

As Tim was talking, as I was watching, I looked back into my childhood for fears.  The one that stood out most was my fear of approaching people I thought were “better”…”bigger”…”more popular” than me.

 

I was afraid I wasn’t equal to them.  Not worthy of their friendship or association.  And that they would judge me thus, and that it would hurt.

 

I am so glad to have a more complete awareness now.  So glad that I understand more about the factors that bring feelings of intimidation in others, so as to avoid being intimidating as well as to avoid becoming intimidated.

 

Now I am freer to swell with joy at the accomplishments of someone like Tim Ferris, and imagine myself (if I were to be given the chance) approaching him to tell him, enthusiastically, how he inspired me.

 

We are truly all equal.  All important, all amazing… in our own right.

 

Only unawareness of this truth keeps it from being so.  And leaves room for judgement, hurt and living small.

 

Be aware of your magnificence.  And if you find it tricky, (like I still often do)…ask for help… in whatever form feels right.

 

It’s so worth it.

 

Namaste,

 

Nicole