Tag Archives: man bashing

A Letter to My siStars…

My men, my brothers, sons and godfathers, I wanted you to know I wrote this to my siStars on your behalf.

I heard they were frustrated in looking for you, not finding you.  I heard judgement and resentment that made my heart ache.

I am so sorry they misunderstand so much about you.

I am so sorry they hold back and harden up.

 

I will be working with more of them soon.

 

For you.

 

 

Dear Awakened and Awakening siStars,

 

I want you to know…I work with awakened and awakening men.

I get to see them unarmoured.

The men I work with are working so hard to being and ever more becoming the conscious men conscious women need.

They are struggling. They are sorting through eons worth of tangled beliefs, pains, fears, confusion, false beliefs…the dysfunctional patterning entrenched within them and our world.

In their efforts they have failed and failed again to be more what they need to be and they can barely stand it.

But they get up over and over to try again.

They tell me, when I gain their trust, how desperately they need soft places to land, eyes that see them and allow for all they are, ears that will listen til their own voices find what’s been buried deep inside.

They need voices that speak only when there is quiet to convey faith, admiration, appreciation and encouragement.

Some of them have found this in pure spirit. Some have a siStar or Mother who provides this.

We need not give of ourselves in ways that do not work for us.

But please let us consider how we might shine for the men who are, by their own admission (when they are safe to admit it) not perfectly ready to be exactly what we need …yet.

They want so much to be…they struggle to *get* what it takes, to change what must change to make it all work.

Our mixed messages and cold distances confuse and perplex them.

As I work with them I see how far I still have to go.

I see how much more clear and compassionate I can become, how much is yet unresolved within my own self.

We are in this frustration together.

I just wanted you to know…the men are working on it.

For you.

Conversation With a Man About Subtle Man Bashing

 

“Domestic violence wasn’t seen as a serious crime until the 1970s. So, did we, in the last 40 years, address the beliefs that cause domestic violence? No. But now if you beat your wife you’re usually considered to be a bad guy. So what do you do, with all the beliefs that would lead you to violence, if violence is no longer an acceptable option? You use manipulation, and you use gaslighting.”

Hi Nicole, the above is a quote from that gaslighting article. The author uses the words “domestic violence” twice to start off which is neutral as domestic violence is not gender specific . But then she says “but now if you beat your wife” which gives off the impression to anyone reading that domestic violence never happens the other way around. In other words, seeing the world through a “men as perpetrator/ women as victims” lens.

It gives off the impression that most men in the past controlled their wives through violence and only after it was taken more seriously that they were forced to use other means like gaslighting. As if the average man believed that violence against their loved ones was an acceptable thing to do. It’s pretty clear to me she believes in patriarchy theory and has been influenced by feminism as they have been perpetuating these myths forever!

Thank you for allowing me to share. Again I want to say a big thank you for all the work you have been doing and the love and support you show to everyone including men! I’m sure you have noticed that it can be hard for men to stand up for themselves and speak out regarding women as they often end up being accused of misogyny. This is why it is nice to see a lot of women starting to speak up for men and boys who are struggling in this world because they can’t just be dismissed as “woman haters.”

 

I wrote back:

 

I so appreciate when people go under the layers of what looks obvious to find what else is there.

 

I am SO with you on “As if the average man believed that violence against their loved ones was an acceptable thing to do.” I agree that men, in general, want to treat their loved ones as the gold they know they are…and I think that when they don’t, their actions stem from a tangled, complex, multi-layered understory. I think that deep down, they are innocent…just like the women that get hit, the kids that cry, the other men that get hurt….We are all innocent. We are all blameless. And we are all responsible.

 

I think that pressure on men is underrated. They hold up so well. They keep on keeping on. As a “rule” they are “good” at taking care of their basic needs: they eat when they are hungry, sleep when they are tired…and this sometimes makes them look “selfish”. (Especially to women, who tend to take care of others first, and put off eating, sleeping, til they are famished or exhausted). Men focus on their work, and then get blamed for ignoring everything else. But they DO their work for “everyone else”…and do not get much thanks.

 

All the examples in that paragraph above are about our “lower” selves…our instincts and default ways of being.

 

They do not directly* serve the soul, they do not serve partnership, they do not serve Heaven on Earth. And they do not serve men.

 

But somehow our culture has got the idea that men are “better off”. I don’t agree. I don’t think ANYONE is better off. For every statistic…say, using your example…domestic abuse…yes, the numbers show that more men hit women. AND…more men commit suicide. Many women get cancer of the reproductive organs…and many men get heart disease and strokes.

 

The game of “who is worse off” is a compelling one, because there are SO MANY LOSERS everywhere…I mean so many tragic examples of people who got a shitty deal.

 

But I think it is men who most often “lose” the “who wins at losing” game…because: “privilege”. But no one talks as much about how men are disadvantaged.

 

And guess what, I don’t want to talk about it either…really…we could talk all day, arguing either side.

 

I want to see it change. And I want to help change it.

 

I want men to be and feel seen, heard, understood, cared about, helped, admired, thanked and celebrated.

 

I want to see everyone being regarded with respect and love…I just happen to be the kind of girl who especially want this for men. There are tons of other people out there who want it for women, animals, even aliens. And I say GO FOR IT!!

 

And I turn to men.

 

I want to know their stories, their traumas, their secrets. I want to know, so I can shine light and love in those dark corners and help them remember who they REALLY are. And I want to watch them energize, power up, get down to doing all the things they have a passion for…and find their own special something that only they have…and put it to work in the world. For everyone’s sake.

 

I think every man has the raw material to be a hero. I want to help him find, empower and LIVE that hero’s way. To epic proportions.

 

Why not, I think…WHY NOT.

 

 

*directly*…heh, this is interesting…I think our instincts, our lower selves indirectly serve the soul. We live according to these lower impulses…and they get us into situations where…we suffer! That suffering…eventually, when we have finally had enough…gives us the motivation to CHANGE. Thus, indirectly, our soul comes to be served… and partnership becomes possible…Heaven on Earth becomes possible.

 

Another footnote. You wrote, “This is why it is nice to see a lot of women starting to speak up for men and boys who are struggling in this world because they can’t just be dismissed as “woman haters.””

Sadly, women who stand up for men can and are accused of hating women. Of being gender over-emphasising, of being “behind the times”. So your support of MY support is precious to me, too. We are, I think, truly all in this together. I do all I can to love and understand and have compassion for haters. I would hate to be one.