Tag Archives: masculine/feminine

Conversation With a Man About Subtle Man Bashing


“Domestic violence wasn’t seen as a serious crime until the 1970s. So, did we, in the last 40 years, address the beliefs that cause domestic violence? No. But now if you beat your wife you’re usually considered to be a bad guy. So what do you do, with all the beliefs that would lead you to violence, if violence is no longer an acceptable option? You use manipulation, and you use gaslighting.”

Hi Nicole, the above is a quote from that gaslighting article. The author uses the words “domestic violence” twice to start off which is neutral as domestic violence is not gender specific . But then she says “but now if you beat your wife” which gives off the impression to anyone reading that domestic violence never happens the other way around. In other words, seeing the world through a “men as perpetrator/ women as victims” lens.

It gives off the impression that most men in the past controlled their wives through violence and only after it was taken more seriously that they were forced to use other means like gaslighting. As if the average man believed that violence against their loved ones was an acceptable thing to do. It’s pretty clear to me she believes in patriarchy theory and has been influenced by feminism as they have been perpetuating these myths forever!

Thank you for allowing me to share. Again I want to say a big thank you for all the work you have been doing and the love and support you show to everyone including men! I’m sure you have noticed that it can be hard for men to stand up for themselves and speak out regarding women as they often end up being accused of misogyny. This is why it is nice to see a lot of women starting to speak up for men and boys who are struggling in this world because they can’t just be dismissed as “woman haters.”


I wrote back:


I so appreciate when people go under the layers of what looks obvious to find what else is there.


I am SO with you on “As if the average man believed that violence against their loved ones was an acceptable thing to do.” I agree that men, in general, want to treat their loved ones as the gold they know they are…and I think that when they don’t, their actions stem from a tangled, complex, multi-layered understory. I think that deep down, they are innocent…just like the women that get hit, the kids that cry, the other men that get hurt….We are all innocent. We are all blameless. And we are all responsible.


I think that pressure on men is underrated. They hold up so well. They keep on keeping on. As a “rule” they are “good” at taking care of their basic needs: they eat when they are hungry, sleep when they are tired…and this sometimes makes them look “selfish”. (Especially to women, who tend to take care of others first, and put off eating, sleeping, til they are famished or exhausted). Men focus on their work, and then get blamed for ignoring everything else. But they DO their work for “everyone else”…and do not get much thanks.


All the examples in that paragraph above are about our “lower” selves…our instincts and default ways of being.


They do not directly* serve the soul, they do not serve partnership, they do not serve Heaven on Earth. And they do not serve men.


But somehow our culture has got the idea that men are “better off”. I don’t agree. I don’t think ANYONE is better off. For every statistic…say, using your example…domestic abuse…yes, the numbers show that more men hit women. AND…more men commit suicide. Many women get cancer of the reproductive organs…and many men get heart disease and strokes.


The game of “who is worse off” is a compelling one, because there are SO MANY LOSERS everywhere…I mean so many tragic examples of people who got a shitty deal.


But I think it is men who most often “lose” the “who wins at losing” game…because: “privilege”. But no one talks as much about how men are disadvantaged.


And guess what, I don’t want to talk about it either…really…we could talk all day, arguing either side.


I want to see it change. And I want to help change it.


I want men to be and feel seen, heard, understood, cared about, helped, admired, thanked and celebrated.


I want to see everyone being regarded with respect and love…I just happen to be the kind of girl who especially want this for men. There are tons of other people out there who want it for women, animals, even aliens. And I say GO FOR IT!!


And I turn to men.


I want to know their stories, their traumas, their secrets. I want to know, so I can shine light and love in those dark corners and help them remember who they REALLY are. And I want to watch them energize, power up, get down to doing all the things they have a passion for…and find their own special something that only they have…and put it to work in the world. For everyone’s sake.


I think every man has the raw material to be a hero. I want to help him find, empower and LIVE that hero’s way. To epic proportions.


Why not, I think…WHY NOT.



*directly*…heh, this is interesting…I think our instincts, our lower selves indirectly serve the soul. We live according to these lower impulses…and they get us into situations where…we suffer! That suffering…eventually, when we have finally had enough…gives us the motivation to CHANGE. Thus, indirectly, our soul comes to be served… and partnership becomes possible…Heaven on Earth becomes possible.


Another footnote. You wrote, “This is why it is nice to see a lot of women starting to speak up for men and boys who are struggling in this world because they can’t just be dismissed as “woman haters.””

Sadly, women who stand up for men can and are accused of hating women. Of being gender over-emphasising, of being “behind the times”. So your support of MY support is precious to me, too. We are, I think, truly all in this together. I do all I can to love and understand and have compassion for haters. I would hate to be one.



Embodying the Divine

It is authentic of me to embody the feminine aspects of the divine, primarily.  This does not mean I do not embody masculine divinity…in fact, I am very aware of the call to embody masculine qualities more fully in my life and being.


What do I mean by this?


I began a more conscious exploration of the masculine/feminine dichotomy after experiencing awful imbalance and excruciating hurt in my relationship with the man whom I had vowed to love unconditionally and to help toward self realization.  It was not working between us.


Why?  I asked my self.  What was I believing/thinking/doing…to contribute to this unworkability?


I asked for the help I needed, and the Universe provided me access to the teaching of Allison Armstrong, through her organization, PAX.


Through these courses I gained a more clear understanding of the masculine as the energy behind providing, protecting and procreating; and the feminine as the receptive space for the masculine’s offerings.


I realize more fully now that my beauty, receptivity, sensitivity and my authentic, compassionate self expression are the primary ways of being which call forth the divine masculine in my life.


This clearly manifests in my relationships with men and boys.

I learned that I must hold my feminine space powerfully, and ABOVE ALL, I must trust and appreciate the men in my life as they embody masculine power…strong, focussed, logical, problem-solving energy which, if I am not aware, can feel scary to me.

I learned that as a woman, I embody feminine ways, and I have a natural tendency to assume that males think like I do…but I am very often wrong.  Since the masculine is about logical, problem solving…there are many ways in which men (and sometimes women who are in masculine mode)…SEEM to be doing and saying things that, if they were women, would be hurtful.


An example of this?

A huge issue with the man to whom I was avowed was how he helped me when I was upset.  As a problem solver, he wanted to get to the root of why I was upset, and fix it.  He asked questions and gave his perspective on what was wrong.


As a women, I heard and saw him in these cases as a “hairy man” (as Allison likes to say).  My perspective was that if I was listening to another woman who was upset, I would understand that she needed to be heard, to have her feelings and thoughts validated and repeated back to her so she could hear them better herself.  I understood that if I problem solved, it would sound to her as if I thought she was weak or stupid, and not capable of figuring things out for herself.


Since I understood this so clearly, and assumed he knew this too, I sincerely thought he was choosing to go against “his” understanding, and intentionally hurt me…he was not just a hairy man, but he was willingly “misbehaving”.


It hurt so much!  I would lash out and the issues I was upset about receded into the background and the arguments began about how he didn’t care and couldn’t possibly mean it when he said he loved me.  And there were many other examples.


But it was a simple misunderstanding, on both our parts.


If he had known, I trust he would have wanted to learn how to respond differently.  He was a good man.


A masculine man, wanting to help.


PAX gave me tools to communicate differently with men, to take into account their nature, to understand and allow for them to be masculine…to be MEN.


Learning this didn’t mean that my avowed and I stayed together.  We parted ways, and how I understand this is touched on in my piece about juxtaposition.


As this learning process unfolds, I am also discovering the masculine part of my self, the part that wants to protect and provide for my feminine essence, and co-create, with “her” for the mutual benefit of all.


I need this masculine side.  I need to think logically and to focus and problem solve, to come up with answers, to analyze and find new ways of working.  Without this support, my feminine side is mush, and ineffective.


Within myself and between me and the men in my life, the potential for creative partnership has become THE THING I am most excited about.


As I shine my light, my talents, my beauty, my divine feminine presence…it activates the masculine aspects of men and women, inspiring higher forms of problem solving, more beneficial and true forms of providing and more pure ways of creating.  As I value my femininity more deeply, I provide and protect myself more clearly.


When we, equipped with language and tools that cultivate partnership, dance the dance of embodied Divinity, we create Heaven on Earth.


I invite you to consider how you embody Divinity.  Does it feel more authentic when the masculine or the feminine is in the fore?  Do you have judgements as to the qualities of one or the other?  Where might there be room for deeper understanding?  How might you shift to allow for more full and co-operative partnership between your self and those who physically embody the other gender?  What hurt might you need to clear in order to do so?


Here is a link to Alison Armstrong/PAX.


Please email me at nicolebradford110@gmail.com if you feel you need to be provided with information or inspiration to help you on your upward spiralling path to unity.





One of the most spontaneous, profound and telling healing sessions I have had was with an alchemist.

We had been telling each other what we explore, and I thought that essentially, it is the same; he works with matter, I, with people.

He was showing me a device he had invented and built, a tool that helped aluminum evolve.

I asked him how it did this, and he said it was by softening how the metal was being observed.

Love, I thought. A device that brings love to aluminum.

Again, I told him that this is what, in a very general way, I do; look at people with softness, not judgment, not evaluation…love…and this helps them to evolve.

He asked if I wanted him to try it on me, his device, and I felt a surge of interest.

He directed me to stand, and looked at me through the device.

He asked me to extend my right arm to the side. And looked again. He told me there was “something” just beyond the reach of my hand. I felt a twinge of tightness in my hand, arm and chest. And I remembered I used to feel it when I was a young dancer, in my teens.

I said nothing.

He looked again and indicated that “it” was connected to another “something” on the left side of my upper chest. My eyes must have become like saucers.

I showed him the lump in my sternum where I had stress-fractured my rib during my treeplanting career.

It’s related he said.

I nodded, knowing.

I also mentioned I had been told the aortic valve in my heart is missing a cusp. We sat with that a moment. I confided in him that I was intending to regenerate the petal.

Are you ready? he asked. I was.

He directed me to stand with my right arm outstretched and my other hand over my heart.

He looked.

Then came over and touched me over my left ovary. The one with the benign cyst on it.

Are you ready?


He looked.

And came and touched my right foot where my middle toe meets my foot.

I took off my sock to show him this toe; it is shorter than the others, “Stubby”, I call it fondly.

Energy, emotions swelled in me, and I was compelled to go outside. I was not thinking, just moving. I went to a tree, and placed my bare foot on a root where it was going into the ground, and stood, clearing “something”.

I had just an inkling of understanding about what had happened, but it felt big.

Every physical “problem” that manifests in my body had been touched on.

In the months that followed, things happened, unfolded, like they do.

And just today, I was sitting contemplating some of the blocks, tension points, challenges I am facing today, and it occurred to me to wonder, what is it that I have been reaching for, that something beyond my right hand?

And instantly I new.

I have been reaching for doing. Masculine (right handed) action. Producing results.

And this has directly affected my heart. If my heart’s abnormality is rooted in genetics, or otherwise, this tendency is embodied in me. I perpetuated it as a high balling treeplanter… it broke the bone directly over my heart. In my teens, it showed up in my dancing.

The effects trickle down via meridians to my ovary, and on, to the base of my middle toe. A quick glance of a reflexology chart shows the relationships to my solar plexus, lung and eye, and into the trapezius muscles that would have pulled the bone out, and that still hold tension. All seen by an alchemist with a device designed to evolve matter.

My curiosity and need have led me to study things that all converge in this picture; filling out the pattern, through cause and effect. Where there have been blocks, there is dissonance… and this reaches back into the past through my DNA and family tree, and into the wider collective feminine.

But every dissonance is triggered by a choice that stems from misunderstanding, and is in disaccord with the divine design of creation.

How have I caused this? Where is my misunderstanding?

All here in front of me so clearly.

I am, as a woman, have been chosing to reach into the masculine way of doing, rather than existing within the feminine way of being.

This has created, perpetuated a misalignment with repercussions to my heart (my ability to love) , ovaries (my creative storehouse) , solar plexus (the place where my feelings about myself and my interpretation of the feelings of others toward me manifests), eyes (my clarity of seeing), lung (where I take in Spirit)….

Although I am a single mother and responsible for the income of my family, I am realizing more and more deeply that it is the feminine way of being that inspires the masculine energy of doing, and the production of results.

For me to heal my heart, my ovarian cyst, and free the block that caused my toe’s growth to be stunted, all I need is to put being before doing, rather than the other way around.

Trusting that any results that need to be produced will be thus inspired.