Tag Archives: queens

A Letter to My siStars…

My men, my brothers, sons and godfathers, I wanted you to know I wrote this to my siStars on your behalf.

I heard they were frustrated in looking for you, not finding you.  I heard judgement and resentment that made my heart ache.

I am so sorry they misunderstand so much about you.

I am so sorry they hold back and harden up.

 

I will be working with more of them soon.

 

For you.

 

 

Dear Awakened and Awakening siStars,

 

I want you to know…I work with awakened and awakening men.

I get to see them unarmoured.

The men I work with are working so hard to being and ever more becoming the conscious men conscious women need.

They are struggling. They are sorting through eons worth of tangled beliefs, pains, fears, confusion, false beliefs…the dysfunctional patterning entrenched within them and our world.

In their efforts they have failed and failed again to be more what they need to be and they can barely stand it.

But they get up over and over to try again.

They tell me, when I gain their trust, how desperately they need soft places to land, eyes that see them and allow for all they are, ears that will listen til their own voices find what’s been buried deep inside.

They need voices that speak only when there is quiet to convey faith, admiration, appreciation and encouragement.

Some of them have found this in pure spirit. Some have a siStar or Mother who provides this.

We need not give of ourselves in ways that do not work for us.

But please let us consider how we might shine for the men who are, by their own admission (when they are safe to admit it) not perfectly ready to be exactly what we need …yet.

They want so much to be…they struggle to *get* what it takes, to change what must change to make it all work.

Our mixed messages and cold distances confuse and perplex them.

As I work with them I see how far I still have to go.

I see how much more clear and compassionate I can become, how much is yet unresolved within my own self.

We are in this frustration together.

I just wanted you to know…the men are working on it.

For you.

Stuff That Knocks My Crown Off

My metaphorical crown, of course.

Nonetheless, when it gets knocked off, or even bumped a little skew…it SUCKS.

And this is all the same stuff that made it hard to “get it there” in the first place.

To be clear, this crown thing is all about owning my sovereign nature, got that? And I write about this in an achingly sincere effort to help you clear ANY and ALL blocks you have to owning, knowing, LIVING YOUR sovereign nature.  It is my wildest dream for us all.

I’m going to really work the metaphor, okay?  Because the WHOLE Regalia Project IS a living metaphor…it is GETTING DRESSED AS a metaphysical practice.  Sovereign nature via wardrobe.  Dress your body; express your soul.

First block:  putting “so much” energy into what I wear is shallow.  Ooooh…this one kept my wardrobe weary for soooo long!  Coz beauty is skin deep, right?  Only superficial people are so concerned with image, right??

I had to remember.  Remember how much I love getting dressed up.  To make it fun. To delight in what everyone is wearing and not judge…like it was a contest. I had to remember how good it feels to show up looking like MY SELF, 100%.  And remember that though this sometimes seemed LUCKY…it was actually something I could intentionally, consciously create.

GOT THAT?? Paraphrasing:  “It sometimes seemed lucky…BUT could be consciously CREATED.”

Like what else?

A good day.   A heart-expanding poem.   A smooth trip to the vet with your sick cat.   An evolutionary breakup.   A progressive marriage.   An amazing project result.   A magical Father’s Day dinner (Happy Father’s Day btw.)

Like anything in life.

Consciousness helps.  Consciousness works.  To create peace, love, joy, BLISS.  That feeling of having my crown sitting just right upon my head.  Owning my sovereignty.  Living it.  And treating each and every person as a cherished, beloved member of my kin-dom (the “g” is missing on purpose…)

So that’s the blanket description for the stuff that gets in the way…un-consciousness…in any form.

And getting dressed (ie. envisioning, manifesting, constructing, assembling and ROCKING any given outfit) can be…might as well be! a conscious practice that is NOT shallow, and certainly not only skin deep.

So…bring on the crowns.   What is your body-soul wearing today?

 

Embodying the Divine

It is authentic of me to embody the feminine aspects of the divine, primarily.  This does not mean I do not embody masculine divinity…in fact, I am very aware of the call to embody masculine qualities more fully in my life and being.

 

What do I mean by this?

 

I began a more conscious exploration of the masculine/feminine dichotomy after experiencing awful imbalance and excruciating hurt in my relationship with the man whom I had vowed to love unconditionally and to help toward self realization.  It was not working between us.

 

Why?  I asked my self.  What was I believing/thinking/doing…to contribute to this unworkability?

 

I asked for the help I needed, and the Universe provided me access to the teaching of Allison Armstrong, through her organization, PAX.

 

Through these courses I gained a more clear understanding of the masculine as the energy behind providing, protecting and procreating; and the feminine as the receptive space for the masculine’s offerings.

 

I realize more fully now that my beauty, receptivity, sensitivity and my authentic, compassionate self expression are the primary ways of being which call forth the divine masculine in my life.

 

This clearly manifests in my relationships with men and boys.

I learned that I must hold my feminine space powerfully, and ABOVE ALL, I must trust and appreciate the men in my life as they embody masculine power…strong, focussed, logical, problem-solving energy which, if I am not aware, can feel scary to me.

I learned that as a woman, I embody feminine ways, and I have a natural tendency to assume that males think like I do…but I am very often wrong.  Since the masculine is about logical, problem solving…there are many ways in which men (and sometimes women who are in masculine mode)…SEEM to be doing and saying things that, if they were women, would be hurtful.

 

An example of this?

A huge issue with the man to whom I was avowed was how he helped me when I was upset.  As a problem solver, he wanted to get to the root of why I was upset, and fix it.  He asked questions and gave his perspective on what was wrong.

 

As a women, I heard and saw him in these cases as a “hairy man” (as Allison likes to say).  My perspective was that if I was listening to another woman who was upset, I would understand that she needed to be heard, to have her feelings and thoughts validated and repeated back to her so she could hear them better herself.  I understood that if I problem solved, it would sound to her as if I thought she was weak or stupid, and not capable of figuring things out for herself.

 

Since I understood this so clearly, and assumed he knew this too, I sincerely thought he was choosing to go against “his” understanding, and intentionally hurt me…he was not just a hairy man, but he was willingly “misbehaving”.

 

It hurt so much!  I would lash out and the issues I was upset about receded into the background and the arguments began about how he didn’t care and couldn’t possibly mean it when he said he loved me.  And there were many other examples.

 

But it was a simple misunderstanding, on both our parts.

 

If he had known, I trust he would have wanted to learn how to respond differently.  He was a good man.

 

A masculine man, wanting to help.

 

PAX gave me tools to communicate differently with men, to take into account their nature, to understand and allow for them to be masculine…to be MEN.

 

Learning this didn’t mean that my avowed and I stayed together.  We parted ways, and how I understand this is touched on in my piece about juxtaposition.

 

As this learning process unfolds, I am also discovering the masculine part of my self, the part that wants to protect and provide for my feminine essence, and co-create, with “her” for the mutual benefit of all.

 

I need this masculine side.  I need to think logically and to focus and problem solve, to come up with answers, to analyze and find new ways of working.  Without this support, my feminine side is mush, and ineffective.

 

Within myself and between me and the men in my life, the potential for creative partnership has become THE THING I am most excited about.

 

As I shine my light, my talents, my beauty, my divine feminine presence…it activates the masculine aspects of men and women, inspiring higher forms of problem solving, more beneficial and true forms of providing and more pure ways of creating.  As I value my femininity more deeply, I provide and protect myself more clearly.

 

When we, equipped with language and tools that cultivate partnership, dance the dance of embodied Divinity, we create Heaven on Earth.

 

I invite you to consider how you embody Divinity.  Does it feel more authentic when the masculine or the feminine is in the fore?  Do you have judgements as to the qualities of one or the other?  Where might there be room for deeper understanding?  How might you shift to allow for more full and co-operative partnership between your self and those who physically embody the other gender?  What hurt might you need to clear in order to do so?

 

Here is a link to Alison Armstrong/PAX.

 

Please email me at nicolebradford110@gmail.com if you feel you need to be provided with information or inspiration to help you on your upward spiralling path to unity.